...not to be a helicopter parent. Working in the educational setting, I see parents hovering daily...either via technology or in person. Adult youth, I assume should be making their own decisions with out minimal parental input, are still guarded by the parents. 's article "Parenting secrets of a college professor" in salon.com puts this in perspective:
"College is a perfect middle ground for this age group: Students are forced to make their own choices and take responsibility for them, but help and guidance are there if they need it. What I see, though, is that the self-reliance they should be developing is thwarted by parental involvement. An academic advisor at Drexel told me the other day what she is most surprised by is how students “tolerate parental interference.” Even worse, “They want and ask their parents to come to advising meetings.” I know a mother who watches the surveillance cams at her child’s school, for hours, hoping he will randomly walk past the camera’s corner. I know a mother who requests her college-age children’s syllabuses, puts exam and project dates in her own calendar, and sends her children reminders. I know a mother who checks her kid’s debit card daily, and then calls him and questions 3 a.m. pizza purchases. My daughters are on the same campus as me, and I don’t even know what classes they are taking. But so far, they come to me with the stuff that’s more important than any 3 a.m. pizza purchase or chem quiz, and I think they do because I give them space. I let them make that choice."
I refuse to hover around my children when they are young adults, tapping into all things: like their facebook account (if the FB will still be around), cell phone texts, and so on. When they are 2, they need my input ... "Stove...Hot!" When they are 19, I hope they can make their own independent decisions without having to call "mommy" for everything. I have seen this "hovering" occur to other children, and those children fled and went far away from their parents. Some never to return. They sought their own identity, were denied it at home and had to go seek it in far off places, away from their parents oversight/persuasion.
"College is a perfect middle ground for this age group: Students are forced to make their own choices and take responsibility for them, but help and guidance are there if they need it. What I see, though, is that the self-reliance they should be developing is thwarted by parental involvement. An academic advisor at Drexel told me the other day what she is most surprised by is how students “tolerate parental interference.” Even worse, “They want and ask their parents to come to advising meetings.” I know a mother who watches the surveillance cams at her child’s school, for hours, hoping he will randomly walk past the camera’s corner. I know a mother who requests her college-age children’s syllabuses, puts exam and project dates in her own calendar, and sends her children reminders. I know a mother who checks her kid’s debit card daily, and then calls him and questions 3 a.m. pizza purchases. My daughters are on the same campus as me, and I don’t even know what classes they are taking. But so far, they come to me with the stuff that’s more important than any 3 a.m. pizza purchase or chem quiz, and I think they do because I give them space. I let them make that choice."
I refuse to hover around my children when they are young adults, tapping into all things: like their facebook account (if the FB will still be around), cell phone texts, and so on. When they are 2, they need my input ... "Stove...Hot!" When they are 19, I hope they can make their own independent decisions without having to call "mommy" for everything. I have seen this "hovering" occur to other children, and those children fled and went far away from their parents. Some never to return. They sought their own identity, were denied it at home and had to go seek it in far off places, away from their parents oversight/persuasion.
No comments:
Post a Comment